Chris Schmidt (crschmidt) wrote,
Chris Schmidt

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it's because it ISN'T your fault! 1/22/2002

so... much... frustration.
To the person who needs to hear it:

how can my most vibrant, stunning, amazing writing only count as rational spackle?! i thought each of the things i said tonight out so clearly in my mind - and it's still not helping! i hate this! you say that you think that everyone is pissed at you - they arn't. but things like this make me pissed! maybe the kbelle has some kind of problem with it, i could understannd that. but the argument that you were hurting me is complete and utter bullshit. i'm not hurt except by the fact that you can't leave it alone. you can't just let it go, like i've asked so many times. i want you do to what's best for you! i want to know why you can't just go through this like any other person! you claim that no one every holds you accountable. might this be because the accountability isn't neccesary? might it be because there isn't anything there that you ARE Doing wrong? your examples suck, because in both of them, you ARE completely free from blame. there's no reason that you need to worry about doing badly in calc, because parker DOES suck, and calc is f***in impossible and unneccesary in the first place. yet, even when i point this out, you still claim that no one ever holds you accountable. and although all your other friends may be trying to spackle over what they really feel - you're seeing what i really feel. the only 2 things i would hide is what i really think of mxpx - because no matter what i say, it would cause trouble - and what i expected to come of what we had. and in this case - i really DON'T need to hide either one of those, because what we had and what i wanted is still what i've got, and what i think of derek has been exhibited fairly clearly. that's it. that's all there is to it. people arn't talking behind your back, not to me. and if they try - then it will come straight back to you. that's all there is to it. i think of you of my best friend - the only one i've got left after a lot of stupid things i've said and done over the past couple of years. i don't want to lose that, and i'll do anything to keep it. i just want to occasional goodfriend hug. mxpx doesnt' hate me that much, not permanantly anyway. and if it becomes a problem - i dissapear. it's that simple. stop coming to yearbook, block him from my buddy list, and i'll never see him again. beyond that - i don't knwo what to say. but i'm done, so... yeah.


For those of you who have no clue what's going on - i'm sorry you had to read that. it was completely irrelevant and unneccesary to your life. but this is the only place i could put it. thanks.

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