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i'm starting to figure it out 1/23/2002
photogeek
crschmidt
This around here are still crazy, but it's getting better. Finals are really more imporatnat than anything else right now, even for a senior. Jeez - these are my last finals ever! how can that be?! That's pretty freaky, and i only realized it after i started typing this - pretty weird. But my english final went pretty well, a lot better than i thought it would. this morning i'm giong out to breakfast with JF, we're going to the manor for the first half of 2nd hour. I have the physics final that i can flunk and get a B, or get a 94% and get an A. I don't expect the second option. Then i have econ 4th hour with the supposedly easy insurance test (at least according to the redhead). So, i'm not too worried about today.
My life right now is like a high-amplitude sine curve with a VERY short period - lots of ups and downs. There's nothing i can do about it really, but everything i do makes huge jumps in my emotional level. the biggest thing i'm scared of right now is what the redhead said last night - "Are you fighting this thing?" I hope i'm not, but she thinks i am... i need to figure out why, because that's the one thing i don't want to do. I want them to do what they need to do. Like i told her a lot - i don't want to cause a breakup, or anything to change between them over me. Of course, i've been hearing that he's saying the same things aboout me that i have been about him - that why would she like to be around me, why would she hang out with such a dork, etc. That makes me feel much better, let me tell you . I called her last night to invite her to breakfast - she couldn't come because she needed to study for calc still. This is so crazy. What i figured out is this though: i just know that i can't talk to her about whatever i want anymore - i have to think what he would think. and i can't go out with her without feelign guilty and i can't go out with the two of them without feeling like a third wheel. So, things are changing. and that's what i didn't want - and i think it's what she didn't want either. None of those things are really her fault at all - and they certainly arn't his. I do wish he could act a bit more grown up around me though - i'm having trouble seeing him be mature because everything we've talked about he sounds like a possessive little kid.

I've said stuff i shouldn't - but it's my opinions. to anyone who reads this, especially those who know who i'm talking about, realize that this is just my experience, nothing else.

On a happier note - rewatched the end and the first 8 chapters of moulin rouge last night. the beginning of that movie is kinda goofy - but the end is well worth it. so emotional. also, slept on the floor last night - that is the best nights sleep i've gotten in weeks. So, maybe i'll start doing it more. Also, went to benigans (first time in years) with JF and LM yesterday. Then went to a movie with LM and AH, (beautiful mind again - great movie). Lost my wallet there unfortunatly. Luckily, i still had most of my cash at home. i payed my dad back for parking tickets. So... yeah, nothing really big besides the same thing since saturday night. that'as about it. good luck on finals, and i suppose i should go put on some publically acceptable clothes. -crs

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