Chris Schmidt (crschmidt) wrote,
Chris Schmidt

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if you could only see the way 1/23/2002

she loves me, then maybe you would understand.
why i feel this way about my love, and what i must do.
if you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says
when she says she loves me
well you got your reasons
and you got your life
and you got your manipulations
to cut me down to size
say you love but you don't but you won't
if you could only see the way she loves me then maybe you would understan
why i feel this way about our love and what i must do.
if you could only see how blue her eyes can be bewhen seh says
when she loves me
you take the road less traveled.

eh, that's all i can make out. and it really doesn't fit as well as i thought it would.

anyway - he doesn't believe me. he's called me a liar, he thinks i'm just trying to break them up by anything i say. i'm not. i don't want to. at least not meaning to. but like i said - theredhead thinks i am too. so maybe he's not quite as much of a thickskulled idiot as i'm thinking he is. which is good, i guess, since i wouldn't want her to like a guy that is an idiot. so, maybe my original convictions that this was a bad guy for her arn't completely right. but like i've said again and again - i don't know him. so, he could really be a great guy. but i don't think i'm going to get a chance to learn, not while she's around. the only oppourtunity would have been if i met him before i knew that he knew her - met him alone, hung out with him as a friend of my brother or something. that's the only way i could have gotten an honest opinion. because other than that, there's no way i could see the real him - and maybe even that wouldn't have worked. because his attitude towards most people seems to be like what a lot of the other people his age use - an immature, i don't know and i don't care attitude. So, she sees something in him that i haven't been able to. that's why i keep getting in the way, i think. it's not just that she's got another guy, i dont' think (although i'm not really sure on this either). it's that it's HIM. the kid that i've never gotten an oppourtunity to know. the freshman. i don't know.

other questions have been plauging my mind too though: why couldn't she tell me? why couldn't she tell me before? why did i have to find out less than 12 hours before everyone else? and why did i find out from him? that just doens't make sense. I understand why they wouldn't tell people in general. but even if she told me that she and some guy liked each other - it would have helped. it would have helped me get over it. but she obviously doesn't trust me as much as i thought she did - as much as i trust her. i mean, i know i'm not the best at keeping secrets - but i can do it if i really need to, and i think she would have had the ability to import to me the importantance in this case.

i don't know. he just apologized. i don't know what to do with that - it would have been much easier if he didn't. i want to be able to hate him without feeling guilty, and now i can't. damn emotions. oh well.

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