Chris Schmidt (crschmidt) wrote,
Chris Schmidt

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Clarifications and more 6/28/2002 (from FreeOpendiary)

Regarding buying a new wardrobe: The reason would be that i have no clothes now. ;) I have one pair of pants that i wear, and they just got a hole in them. I have only club/extra curricular t-shirts - boy scouts, yearbook, math, etc. So, i'm going to buy most of my stuff new anyway. the question is whether i start completely new, or bring those few shirts i have already.

Thank you for the supportive notes. I disagree with your evaulations of the situation, but thanks anyway. ;) For example, i don't see that people are going to like me anymore in college than high school - if nothing else, i've become LESS accomdating to most people since sarah and i have been going out ( oh, that's 2 months now, for anyone who really wants to keep track. which means that the day i start school at college it will be 4 months. interesting.) I don't care nearly as much to please everyoen . what this really tells me is that EVERYONE before was someone who was a potential conquest. And if you weren't, you just got shit-listed. Well, now everyone is shitlisted except for the one person. ;) So, why would i be more appreciated in a bigger school? Doesn't make sense...

Oh, yeah, and i'm making my family broke by going to school. All our stocks/mutual funds are worth nothing. Everything that was supposed to pay for school is gone. So, i cant' really afford to pay for college. i'm gonna have to take out loans just to pay off loans. I'm really worried about it. to the point where i'm thinking of ruining the rest of my summer by looking for another second job somewhere. I feel like shit, because i'm costing my family thousands every year to do something that will probly get me nowhere. This can't be the right way to do it. I'm supposed to support myself, not allow my family to have something else hanging over my head for the next umpteen years. I'll never get a job in the field i picked - there's nothing there. Tech doesn't exist on the job market anymore. I'll be some high-end WP at an engineering firm, get paid jack shit, and get fired whenever the project is over. I'll never have the money to pay this back. Why do i bother? why am i not going to ECC? i could get a full ride through whatever i want, and it would get me the education i need to get any job i'll get from a u of i degree.

Can i really be in love? I wish i could know. i wish i could know if this is going to be worth it. It's going to be painful. and i can't imagine that there's anything better... but how do i know?

Okay, end of this depressing entry. at 12:10 in the morning, there's nothing more to say.

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