I don't know about anyone else, but my life will be undergoing a major change in 50 days. I will be leaving to attend the University of Illinois in urbana champaign. Although I have left home for 2 weeks before (philmont scout ranch, cimarron, new mexico) this is still going to be a totally new experience for me. Just sharing a room is something I haven't had to do since I was in 6th grade. And I'll not only have to do that, I'll also be living three hours from everything i've ever known - Family, Friends, and one of the most important people i'm leaving behind, Sarah. And i'm becoming more and more worried about homesickness. I'm becoming afraid i just won't be able to do it. The thing i'm most worried about is not being able to stay with Sarah. Not being able to keep myself clean at school. Finding some floozy, like i've always done before, and taking it beyond where I should be going with Sarah. Being with her has been the most amazing 2 months of my life, and I really do think I'm in love. (yes, i know, so wrong to say, only being 18, knowing nothing else... blah blah blah.) But what if this is it, she is THE ONE, and i fuck it off by going and having sex with some cheerleader at college or something? I don't want to do that to myself, but especially not to Sarah.
It wasn't supposed to happen this way! I wasn't supposed to get involved! i wasn't supposed to find a girl like sarah. I just wasn't... *sigh*
Eh, more some other time. Later. -crs