Chris Schmidt (crschmidt) wrote,
Chris Schmidt

Losing Another Friend to Distance

Kristan left the state on the last Thursday in August, heading for her mom's place in Texas.

For the next couple days, it didn't really affect me. volantwish staying with us for the weekend kept me busy with entertaining -- trip to Six Flags, taking the kids to the park, doing food, watching TV, etc. The social activities that I'd always done with Kristan weren't something I felt like I was missing, because I was busy doing other things.

On Wednesday, when I took Julie to school, I drove by Kristan's office (as I typically do)... and realized that there was no one there for me to wave to. (Of course, it's only as I type this that I realize it was Wednesday, and not Tuesday as I had thought, so she wouldn't have been there anyway, but I digress.)

It's not the big things that I miss, when someone who has been an integral part of my life leaves it. It's the little things. It's waving hi as I drive by in the morning -- even though I know no one is waving back. It's watching an episode of House without Kristan being there for me to bug her about who *that* guy is, and why he's acting like *that*, and what Season is this anyway? and why is House on a cane, I thought that happened later?

It's the things like chatting about the episode of Doctor Who she caught. It's things like watching an episode of Criminal Intent, and seeing Jessica Walter and trying to explain how, exactly, she's playing the same kind of role without being able to show it.

Not all these things would really be different with Kristan here: we lived 45 minutes apart, so there were times when we wouldn't see each other in person for a week or more at a time. But there is always the possibility of spending time together; of having a spontaneous trip one direction or the other to hang out.

It's not the actual things I miss out on, but the sense of disconnectedness from someone who I've always had the opportunity to spend time with.

I spent the first couple days after Jana split pretty much unable to concentrate on anything. It sucked. I've gotten to the point where I'm adjusting now -- life is largely back to urn of the mill -- but I do feel very set adrift at the moment, and not really sure what to do about it.

Kristan plans to come back to New England in about 9 months. I hope that she does, but I also hope that to some extent, I can gain a social network which isn't so deeply tied to one person in the interim. I don't want to replace Kristan: she's been a huge part of my adult social life, probably one of the biggest influences outside of Jess. At the same time, branching out is important -- for both of us, I expect, though I think Kristan has a harder time of it than I do. A lot of what I said before about Jana leaving applies here too, but so much more so because of the deeper connection. When Jana left originally, it was giving up the possibility of developing a friendship; with Kristan, it's something that's just always been there for years, and giving it up is hard.

Regardless of how acerbic she is, I hope that she does well in Texas, and then gets her ass back to New England, cause as it stands now, I have no one to watch the next season of Top Chef or Doctor Who with. :)
Tags: daily life, personal

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