Chris Schmidt (crschmidt) wrote,
Chris Schmidt

Reading History

Although Jess has spent a lot of time reading through my old entries -- something I've never been able to force myself to do for my own journal -- I've never actually gone back and read her journal from the beginning. (Of course, some part of this is the fact that Jess tends to write an order of magnitude more entries than I do, but.)

Anyway, after her history post last night, I started reading over her journal history: I'm now mostly through October of 2002. (yes, I'm slow.) I've left more than a dozen comments in the process.

It's nice to look back. I'ts also interesting because it's a part of Jess's life that I never actually saw: this is from the time before we met. I've heard a number of stories -- some that are contained in the journal, some that I can only see between the lines, because I know what happened.

It's a very weird reminder of the roots of our realtionship. It's also so weird to think that I've been on LJ for less than a year while I *haven't* been dating Jess. (I mean, it makes sense. It's just weird.)

I've dropped off from posting my internal monologue here recently. I think that's a mistake. I'm not entirely sure what to do about that: I feel like a lot of my 'more interesting' internal monologue is so... negative. I mean, when I'm happy, I don't do a lot of thinking; I sit back and enjoy the ride. But when I'm unhappy, a lot of negative energy runs through my head, and putting that into my journal -- even though it's true -- seems almost cruel to the people in my life, like Jess/Kristan/other local people who might be the reason that I feel like things aren't going right or what have you.

I don't know, but reading the history here on LJ, I am pretty convinced that I'm missing out on something pretty important by being factual and upbeat. I guess I should give providing a more complete picture a shot, and see what happens; worst comes to worst, I do it a couple times, and be done because it ends up hurting someone.

I'm sleepy. Is it naptime yet?
Tags: meta

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