Part of it is the fact that I'm not paying for college. Now, if I was paying for college on my own, I wouldn't go here. I'd go to community college, get what I could, and then just go work somewhere as soon as possible. I wouldn't get a quality education. In the end, I may have to do this. My father may lose his job at any point in time, and almost definitely will by the time I get out of college or soon after. However, before I left for school, I made an agreement with my family that they would pay my way through college, so long as I continued doing decently in class, and my father was still gainfully employed. As both conditions have continued to be met (at least relatively) I have no real qualms about continuing to work on my end of the bargain: doing well in school.
However, at the same time, I realize that my family is not rich. We don't have a lot of money, and we're stuck with a lot of purchases that aren't in our current price range, since my father can be fired at any time. The house we have is really nice (xb95 and janinedog can attest to that) but we bought it during Telecom Boom Time when there was tons of bonuses and so on. Now, it's... I don't think we'll lose the house, but it's still more than we can really afford now.
So, I feel bad spending money. Part of it is that I know my family sees all my credit card purchases. Because I don't have a card on my own yet (No credit rating means that I couldn't get much of one anyway, but I'm going to be on the lookout for something that I can get for myself, rather than always using the parent's for non-important stuff) everything I do online has to go through them. Thsi is annoying for a lot of reasons - one, they see it, and ask questions. 2. they see it, and then they don't ask for the money from me, and I occasionally forget about things that I buy. So, I buy things, and they pay for them. Not exactly the most independance inspiring thought in the world.
So, I'm stuck feeling guilty for purchasing things.
However, I made money this week, so I will send my parents a check for a bunch of things that I think I owe them, with an itemized list, and hopefully I will feel better about it.
I'm reading through abuse docs. I got a ton done yesterday - despite watching two movies, I read through approximately 2 weeks of abuse docs, putting me into the end of September. I read about all kinds of fun things, including lots of teenage girls thinking that just because they were 17 or 16 meant they could post their photos anywhere they wanted to on the web. I also read about some fun exploits and stuff.
I've got tons of homework I'm going to try to start working on this weekend. Especially in Math 285, I don't want to fall behind - although the homework isn't collected, not doing it is not going to be in my best interest.
I also need to get over to the bookstore and buy a bunch of books. Hopefully will do that today.
Anyway, I felt like writing a journal entry, so here, have some content.