i dont' know what to do.
i dont' want to go to bed like this...
but i don't want to bother her more than she wants either.
where are you?
what do i do!?
ever wonder why i can't do anything right? i do.
Basically, sarah wasn't answering anything i said last night. i was getting kind of depressed, because the last time she didn't answer she was pissed at herself over something that she shouldn't have been pissed at herself for. So, i was trying to drag it out of her, see what was wrong. and i mentioned that maybe she was just ready to move on - she is growing up, ya know. She's only 15, one of these days she's going to grow out of this "oo, i get to date college guys phase" ;) I hope that's not true, but one of my constant fearas is that it is. Because I know how much I changed from the time i was 15 til i was 18... hell, i thought i'd never have a girlfriend! and i do now... greatest girl in the world...
anyway, so i thought maybe she WAS getting tired of it, just maybe. and i thought i'd mention it, and she'd realize that wasn't it, and just kind of laugh it off. well, she didn't laugh it off. she cried herself to sleep. which made me feel like shit, so i ended up crying myself to sleep.
I don't know what to do anymore. I was just trying... i don't know what i was trying to do. I was trying to point out to her how ridiculous the idea that she was over me was, i guess. I didn't think it was actually something she would seriously consider. maybe this is a sign or something. :)
It's been 5 months today. I don't think she's ready to move on yet. I sure know i'm not. other girls... blah. 99% of them suck, and the 1% that don't, have boyfriends.
I love her from the bottom of my heart. I may be an ass, but that doesn't change that.
"how was i supposed to know i was chatting with such an evil perverted sadistic bastard? no oofense!"
how am i supposed to not take that as offense?
It's all good now.
illini isn't going to win.
chips and salsa is good.
i should do homework.