October 27th, 2001


As the tears fall from my eyes 10/27/2001

i realize i was wrong. i realize i never should have done as i did, as i should not have done. But the meaning of such phrases can not convey the feeling of pain and hurt that i did not realize i was causing until too late. The realization that i was making things worse, not better, only pained me in the deepest part of my soul, rather than making me realize i should back off. I'm stupid - i know this. yet i continue to try and force my way into where i don't belong. Because of my actions, other people are hurt. I did not want this to happen. It was not my goal. I wish it HADN'T happened. But in the position i was in, i coudln't figure out what to do. I can not convey the feelings of pain i felt by just standing idly by. I can not begin to explain why i do such things as i do - but i continue to do them. I wish i could just go back - but even knowing what i know now, i wouldn't do anything different. That's whats the worst. So - to whom it may concern, i'm sorry. despite the fact that doesn't help, i still am. I'm not sorry for what was done - i cna't change that. i'm sorry for my reaction. The only consolation i can offer is that i was only trying to make it better. I was only trying to help. As they say, however: "The Road to hell is paved with good intentions." judging by my track record, i've done the majority of the path already. I hope things work out, i'm sorry i can't just let things go.

i'm sorry.