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http://www.livejournal.com/users/crschmidt/179518.html?s2id=1 is a link if you don't want to view this post under my scheme. Otherwise, just click the normal links.

Things I've done with S2 I couldn't have done with S1:
- Per-Entry userpics on Most Recent Entries
- Calendar View on Lastn
- Trimmed subjects List on lastn
- Month Page view
- Entry Page view (pretty much complete)
- Had a shitload of fun ;)

I'm still waiting for peanut to get moved to the "mostly closed" firewall group at school.

Hung out with Christy tonight. Watched Hedwig and the Angry Inch (I finally know where ryanbyers default icon comes form!) on her laptop, which was a fun experience.

Also went to church at 5, and came back to allen afterwards and ate dinner.

Bunches of neat emails lately.

I got a job as a peer computer consultant next semester! It's not a whole lot of money, but it's something I can handle while still doing school work and not get swamped. Basically, I'll be helping out with the people in the computer labs who can't figure out that the floppy drive is not the zip drive, and vice versa ;)

I'm really excited for this. It's a bit of extra cash, and it's something I'm good at (helping out with computers) so I'm very much looking forward to it. I can use the extra cash. Who knows, maybe I'll save some of it and work on having enough money to do a sublet here next summer.

Hello Chris,

After due consideration, I am pleased to offer you a position as a Peer
Computing Consultant with Residential Student Computing. This position
entails a time commitment of 7 - 10 hours per week, including: working 2
or 3 evenings each week, and attending all staff meetings.

If you accept this offer, you will primarily be working in the Allen
computer center, though you will be expected to assist student computer
users in other RSC sites as is appropriate.

You will also be required to attend all orientation and training sessions,
in particular our mandatory staff orientation this coming August (for
which you will be paid). The dates for this orientation are as follows:

Tuesday, August 19th: PCC advance move-in day (for PCCs living in
University Residence Halls)

Wednesday, August 20th through Friday, August 22nd: staff orientation
sessions, and PCC training

Saturday, August 23rd: preliminary PCC shifts during afternoon

Sunday, August 24th: Halls open and PCC shifts begin (additional
shift hours will be required during the first week of classes)

*NOTE - please check your schedule for these dates to be sure that you are
available for the entire duration, your employment depends on it!

Contingent upon your acceptance, you will need to complete some payroll
forms prior to your departure from campus at the end of this semester. To
expedite this, we will be meeting sometime next weekend during the
beginning of final exams. I'll have more information for you once I
receive your confirmation.

Please let me know by Tuesday, May 6th if you wish to accept this offer.
On the assumption that you will accept, I look forward to having you on
our staff.

University sent out a nice "hey, mp3s are bad mmkay?" email to everyone on campus. Since I haven't really bothered to read it, you can probably
May 2, 2003

To: The Student Community at the University of Illinois at Urbana-

As discussed in a recent Daily Illini article (April 17, p. 1), the
Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) has recently sued four
students at other universities for possessing and distributing copyrighted
music without the consent of the copyright owners. The recording and movie
industries have also requested that universities reassess their policies
and practices, and increase their educational efforts about copyright
infringement. More than that, it is just plain unfair to artists to take
and enjoy their work without their receiving appropriate compensation. We
are concerned and want you to understand why this is important to you as
students on the Champaign-Urbana campus.

The likelihood of individual students being pursued for misuse of
copyrighted materials has increased dramatically over this past year. If
someone owns a currently valid copyright in a work-- a song, video, image,
article or computer program, for example-- and you obtain it, use it, or
share it without paying for it, without seeking appropriate permission
from the copyright owner, or without obtaining authorization under the
copyright law such as via "fair use", you may be violating copyright law.
As an example, you might use peer-to-peer software programs in order to
obtain a free copy of a favorite song or to share it with others, where
the copyright is owned by another. If you do not have permission from the
owner or authorization under the law, you could be sued by the copyright
holder of that song, have criminal charges brought against you, and/or be
subject to discipline by the University. Each of these alternatives has
happened to students at other universities. At Illinois, students have had
their network privileges revoked, along with other disciplinary action,
when the network was misused over copyright issues.

No one on our campus should be serving out copyrighted songs or movies in
this way. If you are using peer-to-peer file sharing programs, check that
you are not inadvertently serving out unauthorized copyrighted data; many
peer-to-peer software packages automatically configure your computer to
share files, but you are responsible nonetheless. If you currently have
unauthorized copyrighted information on your computer, you should remove

The University takes very seriously its responsibilities as steward of the
campus network. We encourage you to take full advantage of our wonderful
electronic resources to advance your education, including fostering and
creating new friendships, and communicating and sharing ideas with your
peers here and around the world. We want to ensure that, as you do so, you
take seriously your responsibility to respect copyrighted material.


Pete Siegel
Chief Information Officer
Urbana Campus

This mailing approved by:
The Office of the Chancellor

This Message sent via MASSMAIL. < http://www.cites.uiuc.edu/services/massmail/ >

skip it if you like, it's just talking about sharing stuff on the network and so on.

Speaking of the network, I'm still waiting to get a response back from CITES on moving to the MC firewall so that peanut is accessable again. For the time being, I'm using heterosapiens for most of my storage, thanks to roy.

Oh, because of the job thing, I can't be an i-guide next semester. That's kind of not cool - i was looking forward to helping people move in and helping out with that and maybe meeting some people, but such is life.

I need to start cleaning this room up and organizing stuff for packing and so on.

And now on a more emotional level, here's how I am right now...

I feel horrible. I feel like I'm a horrible person who can never do anything right. I knwo it's not true, I do lots of good things, but I look at what I've done emotionally to people over the past year and I hate myself for it. a year ago, I had the best night of my life. I got my first kiss. It was my 3rd date with Sarah, my senior prom, my entire end of my high school life rolled up into one night. It was the perfect thing. Everything about it was so perfect. Everything about it was so happy and enjoyable. And I loved it. But what happened afterwards just got worse and worse starting at the end of August. We had some rough times before that, but it wasnt' anything serious. But long distance just never worked for me/us. We were always fighting, or I was always feeling obligated or whatever. I've said all this before.

So, something new. Sarah thinks that we should get together over the summer. I've told everyone repeatedly that I will never again do a long distance relationship, and I mean it. I don't want to deal with it, I can't deal with it. I'm not mature enough, or something, I don't know, but I can NOT deal with a long distance relationship. If I'm going to have a long-term relationship, it has to be with someone that I"ll get to see during the week, or at least every weekend. I don't care what she says, there's no way she's going to be driving 6 hours every weekend to see me. Not only would it be a pain in the ass, her parents probably wouldn't let her. Add to that the fact that she's decided to never get her liscence, and the chances of that working out are tiny.

I'm so tired of being alone, but I don't want someone right now. Anyone I meet right now will be someone I'll be giving up in 2 weeks, and I don't want to do that. I'm making a lot of friendships now that I hope to maintain over the summer, but I don't want a girlfriend right now. I probably wouldn't object to some heavy cuddlign or something ;) But I don't want a girlfriend.

I do think that if, in a couple years, Sarah and I end up in the same place, we might hook up. If she comes to u of i, I won't deny that we'll probably at least hang out a lot. She is a great person, and I like her a lot, but I just can't date her. Not now, maybe not ever.

Why is that so wrong? Why can't I ever talk about the word love without her being completly convinced I'm absolutely in love with her? I just want to live my life. I want to experience emotions without being told that I'm in love. I want to be able to save my money by not going to great america this summer and not feel bad about it. I want to just go through my life and not have an ex being upset at me all the time. Sometimes I just want to scream "stop being my ex and be my friend, goddamnit!" because i could really use a friend I'll actually be able to see in real life. I could use another friend who I know I can do things with, I could use another friend that isn't just "pixels on a screen". I know I have some when I get home, but it's not going to be all that many. And I just want someone to be there. And she could be, if she'd get over being my ex an just be my freind. I just want to be her friend. Why can't I just be her friend?

I have no idea how long this is, or how rambly. I'll probably post a copy of my Japanese culture paper tomorrow for editing after I look over it. it's about 1300 words, but it'll need a shitload of editing.

Bed time, I think. if i can get megan and sergio to shut up and turn off the lights.

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Chris, I want to be your friend. I really do.

But I still love you, okay? I can't make it go away and not being around won't help it go away. And anytime something little shows up, what do you think it makes me feel like?

For example, what does,
"As I look up to the sky
I wipe the tears from my eyes
And finally I can see the truth
That all I really need is you "
sound like to you? I mean, if you were in love with someone who used to be in love with you, and they put that up as an away message? What would you think? Would you go, "Oh, it's just random poetry he wrote in the middle of the night with no apparent reasoning."? No. You'd probably go, "oooh! I think that might be about me, yay." even if you know it's not because you can't help it.

I've told you. I want to be your friend, but if you want me around, you're going to have to deal with this. It's what I am right now. I still feel like a big part of me is missing because you're not there. And when something little starts to fill it back in again, how do you expect me to react?

plus-i changed my mind about the license thing. i never meant every weekend. we still woudl have wanted to retain our lives without each other, or things would just have ended up fucked like this year. so occasionally i would have wanted to go out in stc with my friends on the weekend, anyway. and you'd probably want to hang out with christy or someone, too, i'd think. it would also be able to be something that wasn't planned, like your trips home were. if i had a lot of stuff to do, i wouldn't have to come down, and you could get stuff done, too. it would have been more often than you coming home, but not every week.

i didn't mean to make you upset about the GA thing....I'm okay with it now, just so you know. It just kind of....hit me really, really hard and i don't quite know why. i'll be fine. but you are coming once...you promised. ;)

all my entries and stuff probably make me sound like i'm trying to get you to go back out with me. i'd love that, but i'm really not trying. i'm just saying part of what i feel and trying to figure out the rest. i didn't mean to make you feel bad and never did.


In all of the other commenting, I forgot a "Yay!" on your job.

I got an email earlier about it, but I don't think I ever sent my response. *points at its absense in the "sent" folder* but still, yay for job. jobs make money so now you'll have some next year. wooo. :)

(Deleted comment)
Yay for the job indeed! I'm quite happy about it. an extra 50 bucks a week or so... I only usually spend about 300 in a semester. This will let me get out and do fun things wheee! also, i"ll be sitting at a computer most of the time, so hopefully I can get homework done while I'm doing it.

My ex isn't psycho. She's actually a really cool girl, but I dumped her, and that hurts and stuff and I don't know how to deal with people hurting when I've caused it. I just can't fix it, and that's all I'm good at doing is fixing things.

This may come across harsh. I hope not. I really like you and I like having you on my friends list. I also tend to be pretty honest with my friends, if this is too honest, feel free to delete it. ;) It's honestly meant with the best possible intentions. Promise. :)

I think you are being much too hard on Sarah, and I think you just have to deal with how she feels. Unless I'm wrong, you broke up with her. When you break up with someone, you really don't have the right to expect them to be your friend and not be in love with you anymore, simply because that's what you want. It's not fair to her and it's not incredibly mature for you to expect her to swallow all her feelings and just be what you want/need her to be. The fact that you expect it suggests that you aren't really being a friend to her. Now, would being a friend to her mean feeling how she wants you to feel? Of course not. But I think it would mean accepting that she feels a certain way and understanding that if a person is truly in love with someone, he or she just can't shut off those feelings and erase all hope simply because the object of their affection wants them to. Quite honestly, I think it's probably too soon for the two of you to try to be good friends again. Right now, some distance might just be the healthy thing for you both to heal from the past.

Again, hope this doesn't come across too harshly. You're pretty open about the fact that your friends don't like Sarah, so I feel a little weird sticking up for her in your journal. ;) But I call it like I see it, and this is what I see from this entry.


Hope it all works out for the best - whatever that may be.

thank you. i don't agree with distance, personally, because if he goes away i'm going to end up idolizing him and that'll just make everything worse if he wants to be my friend later.

and yeah, i'm pretty sure they all do hate me....;)

*hides from them* ;)

Hee, you always did make an awesome computer guru. Mine is still a mystery to me. *glances at computer warily* Good luck with that new job of yours. :-D

OK, my comp is having issues with your style so I'm not sure this is landing in the right place but I'll give it a go...

I got a job as a peer computer consultant next semester! It's not a whole lot of money, but it's something I can handle while still doing school work and not get swamped. Basically, I'll be helping out with the people in the computer labs who can't figure out that the floppy drive is not the zip drive, and vice versa ;)

Woot! I did that my junior and senior years and it was a great way to get paid to do my homework ;)

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