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Shit gets deeper.

One of the most true lines in training day. Good movie by the way, but not the point of this entry.

Sarah and I aren't a couple anymore. To tell the truth, we haven't acted like a couple for a while. We've been mean, and evil, and all that kind of stuff.

I didn't ever want to break up with her. When I said "I want ot be with you forever", I wasn't lying, or making a joke. I did. I don't know now, but I do know one thing. I can't do it right now.

I don't want another girlfriend. I don't have time for another girlfriend. (That sounds impossibly/incredibly stupid.) I don't have time for all the things I want to do, which is really hard to accept for me.

In high school, I was always "busy." I did clubs (7 of them at one point), I did homework, but no matter how busy I was, I was never actually out of time. I never had no time to myself, no time to do the things I wanted to do. This is all new to me. It's new, and strange. How do I deal with this?

Something that is also (still) new to me is dealing with a long distance relationship effectively. When is what I've done too much or too little? When do I stop or start? It's difficult to tell, especially since I've never had a non long distance relationship. I don't know what I need to do to make our relationship work. I'm totally cluless on the entire thing. To compensate, I tend to try too hard, and expect too much. I never stop thinking about her, I never stop worrying aboutwhat she said/I said/we did.

This is kinda bad when you don't even have time to get your own shit done.

Long distance is notably hard. I talk to tons of people who tell me it'll never work, people who tell me that it's not a good idea, all kinds of things like that. I talk to people who tell me they want us to be together, but if the cost is that I lose my sense of me, and only get caught up in a whirlwind of other people, that isn't worth it to me.

I never wanted to lose her, but if doing that makes me lose me, then it's time to stop. And it was, so it did. Beginning, end of story.

Happy Valentines Day *sigh*

Other real life stuff:
I missed my physics section yesterday because I set my alarm to 7pm instead of am. I have to go at 5pm today to make it up. I have tickets to come home: I'll be getting to oakbrook around 5, which means I'll be home around 6. Shower and get cleaned up, and then go out to dinner with Sarah, for possibly the last time, at least for quite a while. Saturday I have to do a bunch of stuff that I dont' want to do... blech. Get all my stuff packed up and all.

I have circut design stuff I need to get done this weekend that's due at 5pm on monday, and my Math 225 assignment is due tuesday (i was thinking it was next tuesday for some reason). I have a physics exam, and my first EALC 150 paper is due soon. All this stuff is coming up way faster than I expected, and going home this weekend is making it all suck all the more.

Plogs.net work is temporarily stalled on my end. I've been doing a lot of zilla work since the bazaar started in hopes that I could get some status there and possibly make some money.

Brad has been really responsive (well, for brad anyway :)) lately. One thing that's helped majorly is creating a "Low noise:signal ratio" channel on lazynet for dev work alone. It seems to be working well.

All my zilla work is going to be listed in crschmidtzilla so I can keep good track of it. Need to make a nice look for it so I can just copy stuff easily, but other than that it's nice to have someplace I can just stick stuff.

Hooray for using YAUIC! I'm down to about 4 now, I think. If anyone wants one, hit me soon.

Oh, and to all my new friends: Hi. I don't have time to talk about each of you, and I can't even remember who I've talked about and who I haven't. But welcome to my insanity. I'm an 18 year old male with huge self-esteem issues, and I love comments.

That's all I feel like writing now. I'm sorry it's crap. *hugs* to all of those of you who've been there for me. You're wonderful.

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Hey, Chris, I read the whoooole thing. You should be proud of me.

Now for something ironic:

You got Kaylin and Justin on that personality quiz a while back, right?

They're "taking a break from each other" for a while now themselves. :: shrugs ::

Yep. Everyone who's a "cute couple" got that result, remember? ;)

It seems to happen. My best friend "took a break" about 9 months after she and her boyfriend started dating.

I had more typed here, but then I realized it was stupid and pointless, so I deleted it.

Isn't that fun and exciting?

Oh, about as fun and exciting as it gets!

You still owe me a story about where that "allex cuddled up behind a blanket" icon came from. Oh, and you look really hot in this one. Just so you know. (and no, I'm not hitting on you. Just in case you were wondering. You just do.)

IM me and I'll tell you. I don't feel like putting it on a livejournal comment.

Oh, and thanks. That compliment made my day.

I don't want another girlfriend. I don't have time for another girlfriend. (That sounds impossibly/incredibly stupid.) I don't have time for all the things I want to do, which is really hard to accept for me.

No, it doesnt sound stupid, it's what Ive been sayng for years. In order for a relationship to work both parties need to have the time and desire to make sacrafices (sp?) to make it work.

   Wow...  Sad it didn't work out, Chris.  Hope things will get better later.  Seems ValDay got another victim from the people I know.

*hugs* I'll commiserate with you on V-Day. I despise this holiday. This year will be no different. Try to relax a little this weekend, huh? :)

You silly t00b.

You need a fun relationship where it is just fun not ... a rollercoaster ride.


I <3 my silly t00b. ^^

*Hug* Happy Single Awareness Day for tomorrow then. (Or today as it is tomorrow here, today, now Oo;)

I use the Tolkien theory when it comes to relationships, love, etc: If I fall in love I will lose my immortality. Thus I'm staying away from love. *nod*

And yes, I'm lacking in sleep. I'll look over at this comment in the morning and just think "eh?"
Back to my original point:

*Hugs* You're wonderful too :)


I'm here if you ever need to talk.


And randomly, do you know what the link to the S2 style is? I can't for the life of me figure out how to change my lj layout. :/

http://www.livejournal.com/customize/ ? is that the one you meant?

(at the bottom there's a button to set more options.)

Argh. I'm with you on the harsh realities of long distance relationships. I hate it when people say this, but you really are better off keeping away from that drama. Besides, don't I remember talk of a girl who called you "sexy"?

Sorry things have turned out this way..but it defintely sounds as if you need time to yourself. Maybe things will get better after this semester? I dont know how many classes you are taking, so maybe you just have too heavy a class load?

And Oakbrook, hmm?? Sounds like you more or less live up the road from me-you didnt mention that before..oakbrook is just down 56/butterfield for me, about 20ish minutes or so. Id say lets get together, but you sound like you are pretty busy, and I KNOW im busy...i work pretty much all day and have classes both saturday and friday, and sunday is tied up with lots of things.

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